A Wife and Something to Boot

Old Vivian, a well-to-do farmer, had some four marriageable daughters; and being one of those men who think their girls should get married as soon as they are out of their short clothes, felt somewhat chagrined that his girls should remain on his hands so long. Now, there was a young fellow in the neighbourhood who had been waiting on the Vivian girls for some time, and gone the round from oldest to youngest; and the old man had been anxiously waiting for, and expecting young Bounce to “ask consent” for some one of the girls, but as yet he waited in vain. Bounce, however, had proposed and been accepted; but the old folks had not been made acquainted with the fact. In the meantime, young Bounce had purchased a fine horse of the old farmer, and had given his bill at six months for thirty pounds. Well, pay-day was fast approaching, and Bounce had not the “ready” to meet it; so the day before the note became due he made his way over to the old farmer’s, determined to ask him for his daughter, hoping thereby to get an extension on the bill at least. His good luck would have it, he met the old man in the yard, and was about to go through with the interesting ceremony of “asking consent,” when imagine his surprise and joy on hearing the old gentleman break out with the following: “Look here, Bounce, you young rascal, you have been courtin’ my gals for mor’n a year; you have been gaddin’ and cuttin’ round with the whole on ‘em. Now, your bill comes due to-morrow, and I’ll tell you what I’ll do. You shall marry one of my girls – I don’t care a snap which – and I’ll give you a good settin’ out and your thirty pounds bill to boot; and if you don’t I’ll sue you, by Jupiter!” – “It’s a bargain,” said Bounce; “I’ll do it.” The next week there was a wedding; and to this day Bounce chuckles over the way the old man gave his consent without asking, and thirty pounds to boot.