A modern translation of the above newspaper article:-
A SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION.
“You argue, Sir, that the world is flat and stands on a big rock,” said Sambo; “now I want you to tell me what that rock stand on?” – “Please I’m surprised at your ignorance!” returned Cato, “Why, it stands on another big rock”. – “But what does both of those rocks stand on?” Said Sambo, confident that he had his opponent cornered. – “Why, there are rocks all the way down,” replied Cato, after a moment’s hesitation. – “My poor friend,” said Sambo with a pompous air, “I say sorry to see such inlays of re-mitigated obscurity in a gentleman of your exalted pretensions; now me who has experienced superior opportunities, to correct the very erroneous repression you have, and inform you that this earth is round and revolves on axles.” – “I know how to depreciate the feeling that prompts you to extend to this gentleman the information that you furnish on the question that we are at present debating,” returned Cato, “and with all reference to superior opportunities to which you take occasion to prelude, I must disagree with you in the theory that you advance. Because if the world was round and turned on axles, wouldn’t the axle-trees brake-down and spill all the people in the street? Answer me that.”
* Axle of course being axis.
THE YOUNG LADIES OF SYDNEY.
At thirteen years of age they have more ribbons, jewels, and lovers, than perhaps any other young ladies of the same age in the universe. They prattle – and very insipidly, too – from morning until night. They rush to the Botanical Gardens twice a week, to hear the band play. They wear as much gold chains as the Lord Mayor in his state robes. As they walk you hear the tinkle of their bunches of charms and nuggets, as if they carried bells on their fingers and rings on their toes. The first time I visited the theatre I sat near a young lady who wore at least half-a-dozen rings over her white gloves, and who, if bare, mosquito-bitten shoulders may have deemed beautiful, showed more beauty than I ever saw a young lady display before. Generally, the colonial damsels are frivolous, talkative, and over-dressed. They have, in brief, all the light, unenviable qualities of Eastern women. They excel in finesse. I heard of a young lady who, wishing to make a dilatory Gentleman, who had been for some time hovering about her, definitely propose, had her boxes packed and placed conspicuously in the hall of her father’s house, thus labeled: “Miss P. Jackson, Passenger by the Archimedian Screw for England.” “If that doesn’t bring him to book,” she was heard to declare to her mother, “I’ll get Fred to thrash him!” –
Southern Lights and Shadows.
A SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION.
“You argers, sare, dat de world is flat and stands on big rock,” said Sambo; “now I want you to tole me what dat rock stand on?” – “Pse s’prised at your ignorance!” returned Cato, “Why, it stands on annurer big rock”. – “But what does bofe of dem rocks stand on?” Said Sambo, confident that he had his opponent cornered. – “Why, dar is rocks all de way down,” replied Cato, after a moment’s hesitation. – “My plored friend,” said Sambo with a pompous air, “I’se sorry to see sich nlays ob remitigated obscurity in a gemman ob your egsalted pertentions; now me who has experienced superior opportunities, to correct de wery peroneous repression you has, and inform you dat dis earf is round and revolves on axles.” – “I knows how to depreciate de feelin dat promps you to Estend to dis gemman de information dat you furnish on de question dat we is at present debatin,” returned Cato, “and wid all reference to s’perior opportunities to which you take occasion to prelude, I must disagree wid you in de freory dat you advances. Kase if de world was round and turned on axles, wouldn’t de axle-trees broke down and spill all de people in the street? Answer me dat.” It is unnecessary to add that Sambo was utterly confounded of this overwhelming argument, and forced to “knock under” to the superior intellectual attainments of his opponent.