DUNUP ON DEBT
“It must be confessed that my creditors are singularly unfortunate. They invariably apply the day after I have spent all my money. I always say to them, `Now, this is very provoking. Why didn’t you come yesterday, and I could have paid you in full? But no, they never will. They seem to take perverse pleasure in arriving always too late. It’s my belief the rascals do it on purpose”
Punch.
PUNCTUATION
A county schoolmaster, who found it rather difficult to make his pupils observe the difference in reading between a comma and a full point, adopted a plan of his own, which, he flattered himself, would make them proficients (proficient) in the art of punctuation; thus, in reading, when they came to a comma, they were to say tick, and read on to a colon or semicolon, tick, tick, and when a pull point, tick, tick, tick. Now, it so happened that the worthy Dominie received notice that the parish minister was to pay a visit of examination to his school, and as he was desirous that his pupils should show to the best advantage, he gave them an extra drill the day before the examination. “Now”, said he, addressing his pupils, “when you read before the minister to-morrow, you leave out the ticks, though you must think them as you go along, for the sake of elocution.” So far so good. Next day came, and with it the minister, ushered into the school-room by Dominie, who, with smiles and bows, hoped that the training of the scholars would meet his approval. Now, it so happened that the first boy called up by the minister had been absent the preceding day, and in the hurry, the master had forgotten to give him instructions how to act. The minister asked the boy to read a chapter in the Old Testament, which he pointed out. The boy complied, and in his best accent began to read – “ And the Lord spake unto Moses saying, tick, speak unto the children of Israel, tick, saying, tick, and thus shalt thou say unto them” tick, tick, tick. This unfortunate sally, in his own style, acted like a shower-bath on the poor Dominie, whilst the minister and his friends almost died of laughter.
Connecticut School Journal.