MODERN MEANING TO OLD WORDS.

• Abstemious Man – One who never tastes wine or spirits – at home.

• Apprentice – A lad learning, by experience, the tyranny necessary to make him a master.

• Artifice – The current coin of society.

• Balance of Power – Common sense.

• Bargain – A ludicrous transaction, in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

• Critic – A large dog that gets unchained, and barks at every thing he does not comprehend.

• Curiosity – The source of great progress and many faults.

• Doctor – A man who kills you to-day to save you from dying tomorrow.

• Friend – A person who will not assist you, because he knows your love will excuse him.

• Folly – The spirit of the world.

• Housewifery – An ancient art, said to have been fashionable among girls and wives; now out of use, or practiced only by the lower orders.

• Jury – Twelve prisoners in a box, to try one or more at the bar.

• Laws – Authority for publicly whipping the wicked – poor.

• Lawyer – A learned gentleman, who rescues your estate from your enemies, and keeps it himself.

• Marriage – A species of lottery, with very few prizes.

• Misfortune – The crucible of wisdom.

• My dear – An expression used by man and wife at the commencement of a quarrel.

• Nothing – The extent of human knowledge.

• Nuisance – The disturbance caused by your neighbour in making his fortune.

• Oversight – To leave your old umbrella in a news-room, and bring away a new one.

• Pleasure – A phantom which enchants us, but which flies as soon as we seek to grasp it.

• Precocity – The impertinence of your child.

• Quarrel – A fault when we provoke it; a stupidity when we do not foresee it; and a misfortune when we cannot avoid it.

• Reflective Turn – To have you umbrella turned inside out while turning a corner.

• Remorse – The feelings of a pickpocket caught in the act.

• Science – To tie a canister to a dog’s tail, and observe whether he runs east or west.

• Suggestion – Advice given by a servant to his master.

• Tragedian – A fellow with a tin pot on his head, who stalks about the stage, and gets into a violent passion for so much a night.

• Unfortunate Man – One born with a conscience.

• Woman – A charming creature, whose graces excuse her faults.

• Young Man’s Best Companion – He who takes him home when he cannot take himself home.