WANTED A BARMAID

I now am looking for a bright barmaid;
A sweet young lady, twenty years of age.
One that is honest - but still not afraid,
My patrons' appetites to try and gauge.

For salary, she need not care so much.
As for employment cheerful and genteel.
Her fingers never menial work shall touch -
A lady she shall be from head to heel.

Me - she must try and do her best to please -
Must aim to meet my every little wish.
And should I give her hand an amorous squeeze,
She must not bruise my head with jug or dish.

My many customers, who day-by-day,
Call in to drink my brandy, wine, and beer -
She must so charm, that they may longer stay;
To drink, and spend, and get their pockets clear!

In dress and looks, she must be winning-gay!
Must let her smiles entrance all sorts of men.
Thus she must pass her maiden hours away;
And smile and smile, till past the hour of ten.

She never must look sad behind the bar;
Nor long to see her home, and old fireside.
The gin shop pleasures must surpass by far,
The joys which floated on her childhood's tide.

She must grow fond of winks, and loving fun;
And show delight at every drinker's jest.
And when men's warm attentions towards her run;
She must love all alike, yet each one best.

She must not turn her maiden ears away
When customers shall drink until they swear -
But look as happy as the Queen of May -
And all their jests and ravings calmly hear.

She must from drinkers' hands the glasses take,
And wash well from them, all that men decline.
And such employment certainly should make,
A fair young beauty, always feel sublime.

Now, if some sweet and pretty young lady will,
Agree to serve behind my bar, and grin -
She will the hearts of all my patrons thrill;
And may at last, some docile husband win!

Apply by letter, with photo, to
Mr Bung, & Co, Unlimited -
No. 1 Ruin Avenue,
Drink-Town,
Imbibershire,
England

George Burgess, February 1876